It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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