If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
