Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
