Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
