fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
