i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
