I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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