You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
