Girls should come with a carfax report
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize