We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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