So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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