You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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