direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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