Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
