Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
