apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
