Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my being single is dangerous.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
