why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
