all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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