We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize