i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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