Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
