I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
