If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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