In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
