I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think my vagina is haunted
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
