Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
