Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
