Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I did not marry a roomba.
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