Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
