dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
