I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
