Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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