I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
