Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
