I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize