So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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