This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
