i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i drank out of a bidet.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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