Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
