sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
