she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
