This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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