do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
