He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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