every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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