if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
