Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
