he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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