**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
