Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
