PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
