So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
