i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
