you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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