If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
