around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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