If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
