Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
