Say something about gay babies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize