I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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