Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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