Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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