At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize