I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
