three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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