you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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