Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
