If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
