I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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