dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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