At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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