I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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