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so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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