Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
