Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
