he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
