As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
