They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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