I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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