perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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