Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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