He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
