It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
