we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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