I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
