Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
