I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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