She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
