yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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