i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
